Everyday we engage in transactions. For example, we buy a train ticket and in return, we get to hop on the train that will take us to our destination. We pay for the food we want to eat. We pay for the service of a hairdresser. We get paid for the work we do. Our life revolves around handing over our hard earned cash in return for the goods or services we desire or need. This continuous cycle of 'give and take' as a form of exchange make us good at transactional engagement. Sadly, it also means that we forget the power of relational engagement, which concerns the way in which people think about each other, stay connected, and do their best to look after one another.
On a recent business trip to Shanghai with a client, I experienced a special treatment from my client that can only be explained by my client’s relational engagement and thinking. We left Melbourne bound for Beijing as the transit point to Shanghai. I travel with a carry-on bag as experience has shown me it is the best way to avoid delays and lost luggage. My client, however, checked in his luggage. Our flight was scheduled to arrive in Beijing at 5.50am, and our connecting flight to Shanghai was at 7.30am.
Our plane landed in Beijing at 6.35am. Most people would assume that their checked-in luggage would be transferred to the connecting plane bound for Shanghai. It turned out to be 'wrong'. All checked-in items of luggage have to be collected, and then re-checked in again for the connecting flight. My client told me to go to the gate first while he finds his luggage. The time was 7am. Boarding had commenced. Suddenly 5 minutes at the security checkpoint seemed like a very long time. To make matters worst, I was asked to open my bag to show the officer my battery pack, which had to go back through the security scanner again. As soon as I took hold of my items, I made a dash to the gate. I was the last person to board. The gate closed at 7.15am. My client was nowhere to be seen. I told the stewardess that I was travelling with my client. It was too late. The Captain had directed the doors to the plane to be shut.
I was already hyperventilating as I tried in vain to contact my client on the phone. The plane departed at 7.50am. I was desperate, as I did not have the address of our meeting place in Chinese. My Mandarin was also rusty so I had to figure out how to convey the directions to a taxi driver to take me to our meeting place.
After landing in Shanghai, I turned on my phone's 'data roaming', at which time the phone just rang. The call appeared to be from an Australian mobile phone number that I did not recognise. It was not my client's mobile phone number. I answered the call cautiously knowing that I would likely incur very high charges. 'Hello, this is Kent. Steven asked me to call you. He missed his flight and will be on the next flight. I am currently in Australia but Shanghai is my city. Steven asked me to make sure you are okay. I have arranged my driver to pick you up. Don't worry!' I was gobsmacked! Steven is a native of China but he is not from Shanghai. He called on his circle of friends to help me. He took active steps to arrange for my own journey while he was himself delayed in Beijing. His friend was not even in Shanghai, who called on his other circle of friends to ensure that I was being well taken care of.
It took over an hour for me to get to my destination. I reflected on what my client did for me. It was not the first time I had travelled to Shanghai. Catching a taxi was never a problem for me. However, I experienced a special kind of treatment from a client who was very adept at relational engagement and thinking. He thought of me instead of his own predicament. He made every effort to ensure that I was not feeling pressured or stressed. My client eventually made it to the meeting after lunch that day!
I felt honoured to receive such thoughtful treatment. It made me ponder about how little time we spend actually engaging with people. Our day is often made up of communicating through social media platforms. We have become good at ‘finger typing’ and faceless engagement. We use our phones to pay for goods and services. We prefer 'display to display' conversation rather than ‘face to face’ engagement. We have become transactional. We need to get back to being relational by spending 'in-presence' time strengthening our relationship with our circle of friends and family. We must remind ourselves that unless we make effort to nurture and build strong relationships with people, we will remain in a cycle of transactional engagement. To me, transactional engagement is linear involving ‘giving and taking’ whereas relational engagement is organic. It grows as we invest our time in people. It is all about 'giving and receiving'. It is authentic. It is special. It should not be lost in a sea of transactions.